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by Sara Jaye
Yes, another
FY fic. This time, however, it's yuri! ^_^ The
pairing is VERY rare and VERY unlikely...in fact, I've only
met one other
person who likes it. That pairing is...
SoixYui.
Yes, Soi
hates Yui and even if she didn't, they're straight. But
who's to say it could never happen? After all, isn't
fanfiction about
exploring beyond the series, wondering what might have been?
Anyway, this
story is more of a behind-the-scenes look than an
alternate universe. Actually, it sort of blends the 2 of
them as an
artist would blend watercolors or acrylics. I hope I did a
good paint
job here. ^_^;
[Disclaimers: Fushigi Yuugi is the property of Watase Yuu.
None of the
characters belong to me.
This is a yuri fic, so you know the drill. Don't like it,
leave. It's
also full of angst, and there's a bit of twincest mixed in
for good
measure. Don't say I didn't warn ya. ;P]
~
Another day,
another ugly confrontation. More blood, more
screaming, more taunting, more insults. More hatred. Such
was the life
of Suzaku and Seiryuu Seishi alike. The Seiryuu Seishi had
lost Suboshi 3
days ago, and shortly before that, Tomo. The Suzaku Seishi
had lost
Nuriko when Ashitare attacked them on Mt. Black, and Chiriko
in a fight
against Miboshi. Miboshi had subsequently died, and
Ashitare, who was
found alive after missing for a week, had been put to death
by Nakago.
Yet the war
still raged on. This time, Nakago had threatened Miaka
while Tasuki had tried to burn Yui to a crisp. And of
course,Tamahome
risked life and limb to protect his love.
'It isn't
fair,' Yui thought, as she often did. But this time
it wasn't because she felt Tamahome should've chosen her. As
of late,
Yui didn't care about Tamahome and Miaka anymore. She'd
fallen for
someone else. Someone who hated her and cursed her very
existence.
"Again,
I stress. Why does everything good happen to Miaka? She
has love, she's safe, and she has people to care about her.
Here I am,
being used and abused by everyone. And it doesn't matter if
I don't
want to hurt Miaka anymore. I'm branded with the scarlet
letter. I'm
just 'the bitch', this selfish, snobby little girl who
betrayed her
best friend just because she was jealous. I'll never live it
down. Even
if Miaka forgives me for everything, what's the use?"
Yui's eyes stung
with tears.
"No,
Yui, you promised you wouldn't cry tonight," she choked,
staring sadly into her mirror, then gently replacing it on
her nightstand.
Maybe a walk would clear her head, she thought as she got up
and walked
out of her room.
~
"Gomennasai!!" Yui apologized fearfully. She'd ended up
walking
smack into Soi in the hallway and the older girl was not
pleased, to
say the least.
"Just
watch where you're going, you stupid girl," Soi hissed.
"And I thought your little friend Suzaku no Miko was an
idiot."
"I said
I was sorry," Yui mumbled against her better judgment,
just barely meeting her eyes to Soi's. 'Even when she's
angry and
raving she's beautiful...' she thought, then immediately
berated
herself. 'What a stupid thing to think at a time like this.
She hates
you, she's screaming at you just for bumping into her...and
you're
thinking she's beautiful. Stupid starry-eyed lovesick
teenager.'
"You
always are. Sorry for being a bitch to everyone, sorry for
being a pest, sorry for stealing MY Nakago-sama away from
me-"
"I
didn't steal him, Soi, I don't even like him in that way. He
just...chose me," Yui said.
"Sure,
after you landed at his feet in all your helpless-girl
glory and told him your sob story of how your 'best friend'
abandoned
you for that guy," Soi sneered. "Abandoned? I was
abandoned, and it was
worse than your little 'My best friend chose the guy I'M in
love with
over me!' traumas!" Yui's eyes stung. Was that all
anyone saw her as?
The girl who cried over her best friend and the guy she once
loved
being together?
"Do you
really think I'm that shallow, Soi?" she whispered.
"I don't
care. All I know is, you came falling into
Nakago-sama's life and stole him from me! As if Tomo wasn't
bad
enough," Soi muttered, savoring a momentary bit of
elation at the fact
that Tomo was dead. "But let me tell you this,
Yui." She refused to
call her 'Yui-sama' or 'Lady Yui', miko or not. "He's
just using you.
Just like he only used Tomo. He only loves me. So you can
just give up
and go back to your world." Yui sighed. She knew Nakago
didn't love
her, but he didn't love Soi either. She knew he was only
using Soi for
'favors'. But Soi either didn't notice or was in denial.
"He's
using us both, Soi," she mumbled.
"Excuse
me?"
"Look...I didn't want to say anything because it was none of my
business, but you've been raving about this for the last few
days...the
reason Nakago 'acted' like he loved Tomo was because he did.
And still
does," Yui said quietly.
"Just
what the hell are you trying to say?" Soi's narrowed eyes
flashed with anger.
"I'm
saying it's hopeless. You're fighting a no-win battle,
Soi. You can pine away for him night after night or
continually seduce
him, but it's hopeless," Yui said. Soi felt like
slapping the girl. She
knew something was going on between her and the man she
loved, but the
fact that she was rubbing it in like this made Soi angry
enough to
kill.
"Look,
you don't know him like I do! I know he ACTS like he
wants you, but he loves me. Only me! He's just in denial
because that
little man-whore Tomo brainwashed him," she cried,
trying to convince
herself this was all true. After all, Nakago had saved her
from being
raped so many years ago, taken her under his wing...of
course he loved
her! He was just using Yui and Tomo as pleasure toys...'He
is!' she
thought. "You just don't understand! He's..." Her resolve
broke as she
slammed her fist into the wall. "He doesn't care that
I'd throw away my
life for him! Why?! I love him, I'd go to the ends of the
universe for
him..."
Yui balled
her hands into fists, fingernails digging into her
palms hard enough to draw blood. She couldn't take any more
of this. At
least Tamahome had been kind to her, even if he didn't love
her. And at
least he hadn't pined away for Miaka loudly every time she
was within
hearing distance. Right now, what Tamahome and Miaka had
done didn't
hurt half as much as listening to Soi lament over her
unrequited love...
'No!' she thought as her sadness suddenly became anger. She
wasn't going
to stand here and listen to this anymore. It was going to
stop. Now.
"...And
all this time, I've been his loyal servant, I've done
so much for him and what's TOMO ever done?! NOTHING except
show off
those damned FEATHERS of his! And he's DEAD now, yet
Nakago-sama STILL
loves him more than he gives a damn-" Her tirade was
cut off as she
felt herself slammed against the wall.
"Shut
up! I'm sick to death of this crying and bitching about
'Nakago-sama'! He doesn't love you! He doesn't love me
either! He loves
Tomo, regardless of his being dead!" Yui screamed.
"Get over it." With
that, she pressed her lips firmly to Soi's.
The world
came crashing down around Soi at that moment. Her
mind felt numb, she couldn't think, let alone grasp what the
hell just
happened. She hated Yui and told her so on many occasions.
Yet here she
was, kissing her. And worse, Soi realized she wasn't
completely
repulsed. But as Yui pulled back, the initial shock wore off
and Soi
was enraged. What right did this little bitch have to tell
her 'Get
over it', then force herself on her? Without a word, she
reeled back
and slapped Yui so hard she fell to the ground.
"If you
EVER, EVER do that again I WILL destroy you, I don't
care if everyone stones me for killing our so-called
miko!" she
screamed. Yui's eyes stung with tears as she silently picked
herself up
off the ground.
"I love
you, Soi," she choked, then picked her skirts up and ran
down the corridor, tears streaming down her cheeks.
~
'At least she
knows, even if she hates me more than ever now,'
Yui thought as she ran aimlessly into the forest, barely
managing to
avoid tripping over the long skirts of her miko robes. She
might as
well leave, run back to Miaka and beg for forgiveness. No,
even Miaka
wouldn't accept her now. Not after all she'd done. 'I've
lost
everything. The guy I liked, my best friend, and now someone
I had no
right to fall in love with in the first place. And I don't
care about
Tamahome anymore, or if Miaka forgot about me. My life is
ruined.'
Exhausted, Yui collapsed to the ground and sobbed into her
arms by a
lake, unaware she wasn't alone.
Elsewhere, a
young man sat alone by the water, singing softly
to himself.
"If
strength is living in conflict
Then I don't
care if they call me weak.
Why do people
hurt each other?
Even though
there's certainly strength in loving...
Even though
anyone would be lonely alone..."
Yui looked up
as she recognized the familiar voice.
"Amiboshi-kun?"
"Aa...Yui-sama, I didn't hear you come over," Amiboshi said.
Yui sniffled, trying to stop the tears still running down
her cheeks.
"Hi...what are you doing here?" she asked.
"Thinking..." Amiboshi sighed, looking up at the sky as dusk
slowly began to fall.
"Missing
your brother?" Yui asked quietly.
"To say
I miss him is an understatement, Yui-sama. It hurts so
much...he was the only family I had left after our parents
died,"
Amiboshi choked, lowering his head so Yui wouldn't see the
tears
forming in his eyes.
"I
know...you were really important to each other," Yui said,
looking up at the sky. "Looks like rain...with my luck
there's gonna be
a storm in 2 seconds. Maybe I'll get hit by
lightening," she mumbled.
Concerned, Amiboshi moved over to her and carefully placed
his hand on
her shoulder.
"Hey...what's wrong, Yui-sama?"
"Nothing. Just that my life is a mess and it's my own fault,
and if I hadn't met that jerk in the first place none of
this would've
happened," Yui sobbed. "I betrayed my best friend
and hurt so many
other people just by being Seiryuu no Miko. All because of
some stupid
guy! And I don't even care about him anymore, I fell for
someone else I
knew was off-limits and now she hates me!"
"She?" Amiboshi blinked. Yui sighed.
"Yes,
I'm in love with Soi even though I know she's straight as
an arrow and hates my guts!" she cried.
"I know,
forbidden love hurts twice as much as normal love,"
Amiboshi said quietly. "I speak from experience."
"Miaka?
Well, you certainly couldn't be blamed. She's so
wonderful...so pure, so kind, so forgiving. She doesn't care
if you
stab her in the back, she just wants to know you're all
right," Yui
said. "I never deserved her..."
"Not
just Miaka," Amiboshi mumbled. It was Yui's turn to blink
now.
"There
was...someone else?" Amiboshi blushed uncomfortably.
Should he tell her? He never thought anyone would actually
ask, and
now...
"You
promise you won't tell a soul?" he pleaded. Yui nodded.
"Thank you," Amiboshi said. "Okay...there was
someone else. A guy," he
said.
"That's
not so bad," Yui said. Amiboshi took in a deep breath
and leaned closer to her.
"It was
Suboshi," he whispered, barely audibly. Yui's eyes
widened.
"Y...your brother?" Amiboshi nodded, tears dripping down his
cheeks.
"I'm
such a freak. What kind of normal person falls in love
with their own twin brother? I knew it was wrong, but I
couldn't
stop...i-it wasn't totally romantic, just...much too close
for brothers
to be," he sobbed. Yui's heart immediately went out to
the boy. Her own
unrequited love felt so...minor compared to this. At least
Soi wasn't
her sister. Not that it hurt any less. She found herself
taking
Amiboshi into her arms and stroking his hair.
"I never
knew...well, I always figured something might've been
going on but I thought it was just my imagination. It
must've been
painful for you, going through that every day," she
whispered.
"I-I
just wish I'd told him how much I loved him before he
died, Yui-sama," Amiboshi cried. Yui wished she knew
what to say. All
she could do was hold him, like she'd held Suboshi the time
Amiboshi
had been presumed dead.
"I'm
sure he knew," she whispered. Amiboshi sighed and looked
up a little.
"I
wonder...should I have told him how I really felt?" he
asked. "Should I...?" He sighed, shaking his head.
"He'd never have
spoken to me again if he knew. He'd hate me."
"Why?" Yui asked. "He's your brother. You were so close,
he
wouldn't let this come between you."
"Exactly. He was my BROTHER, Yui-sama," Amiboshi said.
"You
don't tell your twin brother a thing like that. People don't
fall for
their siblings! It's just...wrong." He buried his face
in her shoulder,
his tears soaking her robes. "Besides...I know he was
straight anyway,"
he sobbed.
"How?" Amiboshi looked up again, his face solemn as he looked
into Yui's eyes.
"He
loved you, Yui-sama."
"What?!" Yui's eyes widened in shock, and her heart nearly
stopped. She felt worse than ever now. She'd been so wrapped
up in her
own love dramas-first Tamahome and now Soi, whom she had no
business
falling in love with in the first place-that she'd failed to
notice the
one who really did love her. And now he was gone.
"Wow, I
sure brought joy to so many lives," she muttered
sarcastically as fresh tears welled in her eyes. She knew
she could
never love Suboshi back, but how could she have taken him
for granted
for so long? "I've not only betrayed my best friend,
but I probably
caused so much pain for Suboshi when all he did was love me!
I'm a
life-wrecker!" she sobbed. Amiboshi wrapped his arms
gently around her.
"Please
don't cry, Yui-sama...it wasn't your fault. You didn't
know," he whispered.
"Look at
me, Amiboshi. I let myself be led astray by Nakago and
tried to hurt someone who didn't deserve it. All because I
was jealous.
And Miaka's a much better miko than I am. Only one of her
Seishi died,"
Yui sobbed. "I've seen how well she and her Seishi get
along. They
really care about one another."
"Yui-sama, the Seiryuu Seishi never got along well, even before
you came. It was always like this," Amiboshi said.
"I don't know how
much longer I'm going to survive without Suboshi. When he
was with
me...at least we had one another to hold on to, we could
protect each
other from the hatred. But...it began to take its toll on
him, and now
that he's gone..." His eyes overflowed again as he
sobbed against Yui's
shoulder.
'Great. How
can I be so selfish?! I'm whining about my bad luck
and hating myself and Amiboshi is in real pain! He lost his
BROTHER!'
Yui felt like kicking herself. "Gomen nasai,
Amiboshi-kun," she
mumbled.
"Please...just because I'm in pain doesn't mean you hurt any
less. Fate played a sick game with our lives and right now
we only have
each other to confide in," Amiboshi said.
"Why?
Why did fate curse us like this? We each lost someone we
care about so much, and fell in love with someone we could
never have,"
Yui choked.
"At
least your important person and forbidden love weren't the
same person," Amiboshi muttered. "The worst kind
of unrequited love is
loving someone you know is off-limits."
"Don't I
know it. It isn't easy watching the one you love
obsess over someone else," Yui sighed. "By that
logic, you should
resent me because I was the one Suboshi was so obsessed
with."
"I just
can't. If you made him happy, I wasn't going to argue
with it," Amiboshi said.
"So if I
really love Soi I'll accept that she only loves
Nakago. Of course, she's NOT happy and I can't stand to see
her like
this anymore! Maybe he does care about her a little, but
love?" Yui
brushed away a few stray tears. "I don't care if she
doesn't love me
the way I love her. It just hurts that she won't even give
me a chance,
she just hates me because..." It hit her just then.
"She's jealous..."
Yui sighed. "It isn't the same situation, but...I was
angry and tried
to hurt Miaka based on an assumption, and Soi hates me based
on an
assumption. You know what they say, what goes around comes
around. I
should've known what I did would come back and beat me over
the head!"
she sobbed. "At least Soi knows...even if she'll
probably have me
killed."
"So you
did tell her?" Amiboshi asked. Yui nodded.
"I'll
probably be dead tomorrow, so Konan's gonna win by
default," she muttered.
"Does it
matter? I don't care who wins anymore. I know if Kutou
won, Seiryuu could bring back Suboshi, but at what price?
Why does
everything have to come with a string attached,
Yui-sama?" Amiboshi
asked tearfully.
"Because
life is unfair, Amiboshi-kun," Yui said sadly. "Fate
played a sick game with our lives and all we can do is stand
back and
watch." She looked into Amiboshi's mournful eyes,
seeing her own
sorrows and fear mirrored in them. "All we can do is
ask...why? Why did
I hurt someone I've known for years and care about so much
over a
misunderstanding? Why does the one I love hate me more than
anything?"
"The
same reason I lost the one person I love more than
anything," Amiboshi sobbed. "If only I'd told him
how much he means to
me...you know, now that I think about it, he wouldn't really
let this
ruin our relationship. Strange I considered that now that
it's too
late."
"You
know...despite his being in love with me like you said...I
think he may have felt the same way a little," Yui
said.
"You
really think so?" Amiboshi asked quietly. Yui nodded.
"There's
always a chance." She felt a small sting on her cheek
as she thought of Soi. "Well...almost always," she
said before she
broke into tears again.
"Aniki...I didn't know you felt the same way. I wish I'd told
you before it was too late. I love you."
Suboshi's
spirit looked down sadly on the sight of his brother
sobbing in Yui's arms. "I love her...but she could
never replace you,
aniki. She may be a beautiful woman, but you're my
brother." A tear
slid down his cheek as he closed his eyes. "If only I
could return to
you..."
~
{'I love you,
Soi.'}
This was
wrong. No, more than wrong. It made no sense. That
stupid girl was in love with her? Why? How?!
"She's a
masochist! All this time, she never said a thing about
what I've been doing to her. I thought she was just afraid
of me. She
loves me. I can't believe her nerve. I hate her, I want her
dead! And
the little bitch turns around and falls in love with
me!" Soi kicked at
the ground. "And she had the nerve to make up such
lies. Nakago-sama is
not using me! He's just...dense, that's all!" But the
more she thought
about it, the more it sank in.
"What if
she's right? What if he doesn't even care about me at
all?" Soi wondered aloud. "For years I've loved
him with all my heart,
and he's never once given me a sign that he felt the
same...he might
care about me, but does he love me?" Soi sighed. She
never thought it
would come to this. But here it was, and she might as well
deal with
it.
"Here
goes nothing," she muttered as she walked down the
hallway.
Nakago opened
the door to find Soi standing there with a
serious look on her face.
"I
thought you would've gone to bed by now," he said. "Come
in...what's on your mind?"
"We need
to talk." Soi walked into the room and closed the door
behind her.
"Is
something wrong?" Nakago asked.
"Not
wrong. I'm just...curious about something," Soi said.
"And
that would be?"
"We've
been together for several years now, right?" She asked.
He nodded. "And we're pretty close, right?"
"Soi,
what are you getting at here?" Nakago stared at her,
clearly confused. Soi drew in a deep breath and looked into
his eyes.
It was now or never.
"I've
been in love with you for most of those years. And up
until now...I believed you felt the same way. But you were
involved
with Tomo and then the thing with Yui...I know you told me
I'm not the
one you want, but I was just in denial..." She sighed.
"I guess what
I'm trying to say is that I want to know."
"Want to
know what?"
"Where
we stand. I want the truth about our relationship. Do
you love me or not? Did you ever love me? Do you even care
about me
that much?" Soi put a hand on his shoulder. "I
need to know,
Nakago-sama," she said. Nakago was shocked. Soi had
always been very
submissive to him, he'd never expected this. He knew there
was some
physical attraction between then, but love?
"Soi...I
never knew you felt this way. I always thought you
just admired me or were obsessed, I...didn't know your
feelings were so
strong. I'm sorry," he said, his eyes mirroring
confusion.
"Well,
now you know," Soi said quietly. "And I want to know if
I was foolish to think you loved me, or if you did feel
anything for
me."
"You
want the truth?" She nodded. "Then...I'm afraid the answer
isn't so simple. I did care for you, but I didn't love you
the way you
loved me," he said.
"So
you've been leading me on all these years," Soi mumbled,
feeling her face burn. "And I was a fool, believing you
could love me."
Nakago put his hand on her shoulder.
"It's
not like that. I didn't mean to lead you on, Soi...well,
maybe I did, but I admit I was selfish. I was wrong, and I'm
sorry," he
apologized. "I care about you, but the fact is...I love
Tomo. Indifferent
to him as I was...I did love him."
"And
what about Yui?"
"I may
have felt something for her, but I don't love her. I
guess I did sort of use you, and her. I'm sorry, Soi...I
never meant to
take advantage of you for so long," he said. Soi closed
her eyes
momentarily, blinking away tears. So Yui was right after
all.
"I
accept your apology...Nakago," she said. She didn't see much
point in calling him 'Nakago-sama' anymore. Maybe she was
being a bit
dramatic, but she didn't care. She was too heartbroken and
confused
right now. "I'm going to bed now...it is pretty
late."
"I hope
you're not too upset, Soi," Nakago said.
"I'm
fine," Soi lied as she opened the door and walked out.
"I'll see you tomorrow, all right?" Nakago nodded.
"Goodnight, then," he said.
"Night." Soi looked at him once more, then closed the door
behind her. "At least I have closure," she sighed
as she walked slowly
to her bedroom. Once there, she collapsed onto her bed and
began to
cry.
"I
should've known. How could I have been such a fool?
Especially after he said I wasn't the one he wanted. I'm
delusional. I
wasted years believing he loved me, or trying to make him
love me. You
can't make someone fall in love with you...if only I knew
that sooner."
An hour
later, Soi's tears had died down, but her heart was
still aching badly. And she was still confused about Yui.
What kind of
person falls in love with someone who hates them? An idiot,
she
thought. A silly, naive little girl. 'Like me,' she thought
bitterly.
"But...he said there was nothing going on between them, that he
didn't love her. And he doesn't love me either...so why do I
still
resent her?" she wondered aloud. The more she thought
about it, the
more pointless it seemed. What was the use anymore? You
couldn't be
rivals with someone over a man who didn't love either of
you, after
all.
"But
that isn't the only reason to hate her," Soi argued.
"She's empty-headed, she's an obnoxious bitch, she's
trying to kill
someone who obviously cares a great deal for her based on a
stupid
assumption..." Realization struck her like a lightening
bolt. "She's
acting like me." Soi slammed her fist into the wall and
growled.
"Wonderful, now I feel bad for what I've done! I don't
care about her!
Even if I have no good reason to hate her...why should I
care about
that little witch?"
'Because even
after you've expressed your hatred for her, and
threatened to kill her, she's never raised a fist in anger.
She's never
said anything to anyone. And she opened your eyes and made
you see that
you couldn't continue pining away for someone who doesn't
love you,' a
voice in the back of her mind answered.
"But
even so, why should I suddenly care about her? Feelings
like that don't spring up over the course of an hour. Okay,
I feel a
little guilty for being so cruel to her, and I kinda
appreciate that
she made me realize I'm at least worth more than being used
by a
guy...but still!"
'The least
you could do is tell her so, then. Apologize for the
way you treated her and tell her you appreciate her help
concerning
Nakago.'
"But
she's in love with me and I just can't deal with it. I
can't get close to her when I don't even know if I care
about her yet,
it wouldn't be right...it wouldn't be fair to her," Soi
sighed. But the
more she tried to argue with the voice in her head, the more
she found
herself questioning what she was saying. Did she really not
care about
Yui, or was she just too stubborn to back down from her
position? Even
if she still couldn't fully accept what Nakago had said,
he'd told her
himself he didn't love Yui. The reason for her hatred had
been the
accusation that Nakago was involved with Yui, and now that
her
assumption had been proven false...what point was there?
Suddenly, she
found herself wishing she had protected Yui from the flames
in the battle
that day.
Sighing, she
slipped a robe on and decided to walk to the
nearby lake. She needed to be alone.
Soi splashed
some of the cool water on her face as she knelt
down by the lake. It was so beautiful here at night, she
thought. As
she looked at her reflection in the clear, sparkly water,
glimpses of
her past began to flash through her mind. Being sold to a
brothel when
she was 12. Nakago saving her from a rapist and letting her
live with
him. Finding out she was a Seiryuu Seishi...to the first
time Nakago
had said to her that her she wasn't the one he wanted. She
laughed
bitterly at how naive she'd been, not thinking he meant it.
"If I
had given up then I could've saved myself all that pain,"
she muttered as a tear slid down her cheek and fell into the
water,
rippling her reflection. "Better late than never, I
guess." Just then,
she heard something several feet away.
"Huh?" Soi got to her feet and listened more closely. It
sounded like someone crying. 'Probably Amiboshi again. He's
been so
emotional ever since Suboshi's death,' she thought...then
she heard
singing.
"Stars
that twinkle in the dark,
You're surely
lost, too.
Are you
looking for the far-off tomorrow?
We're a lot
alike, aren't we?"
That was NOT
Amiboshi. Soi followed the sound of the voice, and
found Yui leaning against a rock, just barely staring ahead
at the
night sky and singing softly to herself.
"Even
though believing
in someone
hurts,
I wish for
your love
I wish for
your love
Why? Blue
stars, please tell me...
I wish for
your love...
How can I
free myself
from the
unending pain?"
The mournful
song trailed off into sobs as Yui buried her head
in her arms.
"...Great job, Soi. Does this look like someone who was trying
to steal 'your man' away from you?" she berated
herself. "I'm gonna set
this right once and for all," she muttered, and walked
over to her
miko.
~
Amiboshi had
left an hour ago. Now Yui was by herself, no one
to come between herself and her pain. No shoulder to cry on.
Just the
never-ending reality that she was alone.
"Sure,
Amiboshi's a good listener, but...I wouldn't feel right
about coming to him, not when he's suffering even worse than
me," she
sobbed, barely aware of someone approaching her.
"Ano...Yui?"
Yui blinked,
then groaned as she recognized the voice. 'Great,
Soi must not have screamed at me enough earlier,' she
thought.
"Leave
me alone," she mumbled.
"Yui,
please...we need to talk," Soi said. "I won't hit you
again, I promise. I just want to talk to you...please?"
"Why? So
you can lay into me some more? We've established for
the last time that you hate me, so why drag it out?"
Yui sniffled.
"Just leave me alone." Soi crossed her arms over
her chest and dug her
toes into the ground.
"No. Not
until you at least hear me out," she said firmly.
"You
wouldn't even listen to me AND you slapped me, but you
expect me to hear you out? Yeah, that's fair," Yui
muttered. Soi
winced.
'Fuck! She's
got you there, Soi. It figures she wouldn't keep
up the quiet doormat act for long,' she thought. "Look,
I'm sorry I
lashed out at you without giving you a chance. It was wrong
and stupid.
And you were right about Nakago, I should've listened. I should've
acknowledged it a long time ago. I'm sorry, Yui," she
said. Yui looked
up, eyes red and puffy and cheeks glistening with tears.
"You're
only saying that because I'm sitting here crying and
looking pathetic," she said tearfully. "You hate me,
and you have every
reason to."
"I don't
hate you," Soi insisted, but after all the abuse, Yui
couldn't bring herself to believe that.
"Don't
lie. I've been lied to and hurt enough to last me a
lifetime. I don't need anymore," she cried.
"Yui..."
"Just go
away. I'm sorry I kissed you, I'm sorry for being in
love with you, I'm sorry for being here. I'll go kill myself
and I'll
be out of your way, and everyone else's." Yui slowly
picked herself up
and began to walk away. Soi couldn't take any more of this.
Without a
word, she grabbed Yui just as she was about to walk past
her, then
kissed her full on the lips.
Yui froze.
This wasn't happening. Hours ago this woman had
hated her very existence and now she was kissing her?!
Quickly, she
pulled away.
"You're
very cruel!" she sobbed.
"Cruel?"
"Don't
play with my emotions like this!" Yui turned on her heel
and fled the river in tears.
"...Yui!" Soi called after her, but it was no use. "Gomen
nasai," she choked as a tear forced itself down her
cheek.
~
She hated
her. For the longest time, Soi had wanted nothing to
do with this girl except to snap at her to stay away from
'her' Nakago.
And all Yui had done was love her from afar.
Now that she
knew there was no chance for her and Nakago as
lovers, all that had changed. Soi was seeing the light after
living
under the proverbial rock for so long. As much as it hurt
losing
Nakago, she knew it was better this way. She'd been given a
second
chance, almost.
At least she
would have if Yui would just talk to her.
~
"She
hates you. So why the hell did she kiss you?"
Yui looked at
her reflection in the mirror, as if expecting it
to know the answer. 'I'm so naive,' she thought. 'No wonder
I'm Seiryuu
no Miko.'
She was
yanked out of her thoughts by a knock at the door.
"Yui,
please let me in."
Should she? Even if this was the woman
who had laid into her
earlier, Soi had seemed so much softer moments ago at the
lake...'Espcially her lips,' Yui thought, then shook her
head.
'Lovesick as always.'
"Why do
you hate me?" she asked quietly.
"Just
let me in," Soi pleaded. Sighing, Yui got up and opened
the door.
"Why do
you hate me?" she asked again.
"I don't
hate you. Look...I meant what I said at the lake
earlier," Soi said. "We really are a lot alike,
aren't we? Unrequited
love, hating someone based on an accusation..." She
laughed bitterly as
she sat down at the foot of Yui's bed. "Not seeing the
ones who loved
us right under our noses." Yui paled.
"You...know about Suboshi...?" she croaked. Soi nodded.
"The way he acted around you was a
dead giveaway," she said.
"Of course, you were actually nice to Suboshi..."
"A lot
of good that does me. He's dead now," Yui muttered. "Why
are you softening up to me all of a sudden anyway? You just
decided out
of nowhere that I was right and that you didn't hate me. I
don't
understand."
"I spoke
with Nakago earlier, Yui. He cares about me, but you
were right. He doesn't love me," Soi explained. "I
feel so stupid now.
Even after he told me I wasn't the one he wanted..."
She sighed,
fighting back an oncoming stream of tears. "It probably
is better this
way...but it doesn't hurt any less. All those years,
blissfully in
denial, believing he loved me, and for what?
Nothing..." Soi hugged
herself tightly as tears ran down her face. "It's just
not fair," she
mumbled. Yui's heart crumbled at the sight of Soi's tears.
Her
assumptions of hate forgotten, she slowly walked over to the
older
woman and put her arms around her.
"I
didn't mean to be right," she whispered.
"Like
hell you didn't."
"I mean
it. Soi...I couldn't stand to see you in pain over him
any longer, that's why I was so harsh earlier. If I'd known
you were
going to get your heart broken in the same night I wouldn't
have said
anything."
"But
you're in love with me. I'd have thought you would be
ecstatic to have Nakago out of the picture," Soi said.
Yui winced.
"Okay, I
guess I deserved that after the whole thing with Miaka
and Tamahome. But I've learned from my mistakes," she
said. "Part of
loving someone is knowing when to let them go. If they don't
feel the
same way, you can't make them love you back, especially by
trying to
kick the one they want out of the picture." Soi laughed
bitterly.
"There
must be something in the air. That's pretty much the
same lesson I learned," she muttered.
"I guess
tonight is one big Moment of Truth for us," Yui said.
'Among others,' she thought as she remembered Amiboshi's
confession by
the lake earlier.
"So...now what?" Soi asked. "I've lost the man I love, my
sole
reason for hating your guts...I'm so confused now. I loved
Nakago-sama
for so many years, and now...even though he does care for me
it
just...won't be the same anymore. Will it ever stop
hurting?" She
turned her face to stare into her miko's eyes. "What if
I'm never able
to love again?" she asked tearfully. Yui brought her
hand to Soi's
cheek and gently stroked.
"Soi..." she whispered. "I know...that I'll never replace
Nakago. He was your first love. But if you could...find it
in your
heart to give me another chance, just...let me be here for
you..." For
the first time, Soi saw Yui as not just her miko, the 'girl
from
another world', or her rival. She saw a caring girl who'd
felt the same
pain of unrequited love as she had, made the same mistakes
in judging
someone based on a wrong assumption. She saw herself in the
girl. And
if Yui could learn from her mistakes, so could she.
"Thank
you...Yui-sama," she said, her voice shaking as she
embraced the blonde tightly. "I think I'll survive, as
long as you're
here with me." She thought for a moment. "I just
want to know...why me?
Why did you fall in love with me, of all people?"
"Why
not?"
"Well, I
always assumed you were straight, because of Tamahome,
then the thing with Nakago..." Soi sighed.
"Besides, after I've been so
nasty to you, I can't comprehend why you would fall in love
with me."
Yui looked into Soi's eyes, her own soft and meaningful.
"I
forgive you. It doesn't matter how you treated me. We have our
second chance now, Soi," she said. "You're a
wonderful woman. You're
strong, you're beautiful, and anyone would be lucky to have
you. Nakago
doesn't know what he missed out on when he settled for
Tomo." Soi blushed
deeply as a small smile crossed over her face.
"You
really think so?" she asked. "You're not just trying to make
me feel better, are you?"
"I mean
it. I never imagined I'd ever feel this way about a woman,
but with you...I didn't just see it as 'falling in love with
a woman', I
just...felt drawn to you after a while. I can't explain
it...all I know is
that when I discovered how you were so in love with Nakago,
but he was
indifferent, I...I could relate. I know what it's like to be
in love with
someone and watch them love someone else, or just plain
ignore you. Maybe
I was just foolish, for a moment I thought...that if I could
relate to
you, and we had something in common, maybe..." Yui
sighed. "I was foolish,
you can't just 'save' someone from unrequited love..."
She closed her
eyes. "And despite my strong feelings, I wished it
didn't have to be this
way for you, that Nakago did love you the way you love him.
I...I'm so
sorry it didn't work out for you...and I'm sorry I acted so
selfish," she
said quietly. "But you really deserve better." Soi
blinked away a few
tears as she remembered when Nakago did seem to really love
her. She
wished it had never ended, but at least he still cared for
her.
"I
know..."
"Really.
Nakago doesn't know what he gave up, Soi," Yui said. Soi
couldn't help smiling. Her miko's attempts to make her smile
were kind of
pathetic, but they were cute nonetheless, she had to admit.
"You're
sure you're not just saying it to make me feel better?"
she asked.
"If I
was...did it work?" Yui giggled a little nervously.
"Yeah...it did," Soi said, leaning her cheek against Yui's
hair.
Yui sighed softly.
"Well...at least now we're on better terms, even if..." she
mumbled. No matter how much she wished, Soi would never
return her love.
As much as it hurt, she knew she had to accept it.
"Even if that's all
we'll be...just...on better terms," she said quietly, a
fresh flood of
tears welling in her eyes. Soi thought hard for a moment as
she looked at
the young woman. It hurt, losing Nakago, and right now she
just didn't
know if she could bring herself to love again. Or could she?
Just being
here with Yui was easing the pain, even if only a little. So
maybe...just
maybe...
"Yui-san...even if I can't see myself loving anyone else right
now, not for a while...I-I think...that..." She
swallowed hard, her heart
pounding rapidly in her chest. "In time...I...I could
love you," she
said. Even as the words slowly left her mouth, she couldn't
believe she
was saying them. Part of her wondered if she was being
impulsive, she
was on the rebound, after all. But if it was, she would've
fallen into
the arms of anyone, right? No, she needed a kindred spirit,
someone
understanding. Yui was that person. "Yeah...I
think...with time, I could
get to love you." Yui's eyes sparkled with a glimmer of
hope.
"...Soi...y-you
mean it...?" she choked. Soi nodded. She didn't
care what the voice in the back of her mind said, about
feeling unsure.
It just felt...right, in a way.
"Yeah," she said. Yui just smiled and flung her arms around
Soi,
burying her head against her chest.
"Thank
you," she whispered the moment she got her voice back. Soi
nestled her cheek against the silky blonde hair once again,
then gently
tilted Yui's head up to kiss her lips softly.
"Want me
to stay with you tonight?" she offered. "I know it
probably gets lonely in here, and it's going to be
cold..."
"I
thought you'd never ask," Yui mumbled sweetly. Just then, a
snap of thunder signaled the beginning of a storm. Yui
yelped slightly.
Soi smiled as she felt the girl cling to her.
"I
figured as much," she said.
"...I'm
not afraid!" Yui said.
"Sure
you're not."
"I'm
NOT!" Yui giggled, but she was trembling and didn't let go of
Soi. "Well...maybe a little..."
"I
understand," Soi laughed softly. "Come on, let's get into
bed...I mean, if you don't mind, since...it...is pretty
cold." Yui blushed
slightly.
"Yeah...I-I mean, I don't mind!" she said.
"Well...aren't you going to get up?" Soi asked.
"Yeah...aren't you?"
"As soon
as you get off of me."
"Right..." Yui yawned, but made no move to get up.
"You
just don't want to get off my lap," Soi teased.
"So what
if I don't?" Yui mock-challenged. "It'd be pretty hard to
get up with your arms still wrapped around me anyway."
"...Oh
yeah!" Soi giggled. "So...we just stay here all night?"
"Sounds
fine to me," Yui yawned, snuggling closer. Soi reached for
a blanket and pulled it around the 2 of them.
"We
should get some sleep. It's been a pretty long night," she
said. Yui just nodded, her eyes closing. It felt like a
dream...here she
was, in the arms of the one she loved. The warmth and
sincerity she had
seen in Soi's eyes was enough to ease the pain of her
misunderstanding.
Whatever happened, things would work out.
"Night," she mumbled as she drifted off to sleep. Soi smiled.
'She really
is quite pretty,' she thought. Looking down at the
miko nestled against her, the pain of losing Nakago began to
fade. Yes,
it'd still hurt for weeks, maybe even months. But at least
she knew that
she wasn't alone anymore.
It didn't
matter if Kutou lost the war. Not anymore. All that
mattered to Soi was her miko's safety now. Even if she had
to sneak
them both out of Kutou in the dead of night...for a moment,
that sounded
like a good idea. But...could she really betray her country
and fellow
Seishi like that? And as dangerous as it was to stay in
Kutou, it would
be even more dangerous to become fugitives. Soi sighed. She
couldn't
put Yui in that kind of danger. For now, they would stay
here.
It was
ironic, really. The girl she'd hated and refused to give a
second thought ended up being the one to open her eyes to
the truth. And
now she was swearing to protect her the same way Tamahome
protected
Suzaku no Miko.
'How much
longer would you have continued down that miserable path
of unrequited love, blind devotion, and tears?' the voice in
her head
asked. 'Would you have ever opened your eyes to the truth?
Or when he
slapped it into you, what would you have done without Yui
there to ease
the pain? Admit it, Soi. You need her just as much as she
needs you.
You're the only women among the Seiryuu army, after all.'
Soi couldn't
help smiling. The part of her mind she'd been trying to
ignore was right.
And she was glad. She looked down at Yui, who had fallen
asleep.
"Thank
you," she whispered, placing a light kiss to the girl's
temple. Her cheek nestled against her miko's soft blonde
hair, Soi closed
her eyes and let sleep overtake her.
~
Amiboshi
smiled slightly as he closed the bedroom door to give
them their privacy.
"I still
wish I could've said or done more to help you, Yui-sama...
but I'm glad to see things worked out for you and the one
you love," he
whispered. "And thank you...for not turning me away
because of my strange
love for my brother..." He sighed wistfully. If only he
still had a chance
to talk to Suboshi. Tears filled his eyes as he walked down
the hall and
into his room. "I miss you, otouto," he said. He
slipped his shirt off and
collapsed into bed, drawing the covers tightly around
himself. It had been
a long night.
"Aniki...I never left you," Suboshi's spirit whispered as he
looked down at his twin, sighing softly. "I love you.
I'm just...sorry I
never told you how much, while I still had the chance."
Smiling sadly,
he ran a transparent hand softly through Amiboshi's hair.
"Sleep well," he
whispered before his outline faded away.
Amiboshi
smiled, feeling a sense of peace right then. 'Goodnight,
otouto,' he thought as he fell asleep.
~End~
FINALLY! It's
DONE! XD This took me...I dunno, a month-*checks*
...2 MONTHS?!!? *falls over* I started writing this 2 months
ago!! DAMN!
And it started out as one little scene, too. Now
it's...*looks*
...42KB!! @_@
"Running on Empty" has just been knocked into 2nd
place by this. Damn, one little scene turns into over 40KB
worth of angst,
romance, and drama!
...But
anyway...
I know Yui
was probably OOC in this. In the series, she's too
angry and bitter to love anyone and only wants to hurt
Miaka. But once I
got this idea in my head about Yui secretly falling for Soi,
the more I
thought about it, the more I liked it. @_@
I apologize
to any Soi/Nakago, Yui/Suboshi, Yui/Tetsuya, or
Tomo/Suboshi fans I offended. ;P